Personality Isn't Permanent Book: A Life-Changing Guide Summary

[00:00:00] Hi, welcome to Bookey, which unlock big ideas from world bestsellers in audio, text, and mind map.

[00:00:31] In recent years, there has been a growing trend of people posting their MBDI results on social media in the hopes of seeking out new friends or partners who share the same personality type.

[00:00:42] It is also gradually becoming more popular for people to exchange MBDI types with strangers they've just met as a way to strike up a conversation and get to know each other.

[00:00:53] According to Dr. Benjamin Hardy, the author of this book, Our Love for Personality Tests had become so great that in 2019, Facebook had to ban all the quizzes on their site after 87 million people had their personal information compromised in exchange for these test results.

[00:01:10] Personality test lovers firmly believe that as long as they can uncover their hidden personalities, they can find their ideal jobs and ideal partners.

[00:01:19] The underlying assumption is that we are born with the personalities that we have and they cannot be changed, they can only be discovered.

[00:01:27] However, as Dr. Hardy points out in this book, our personalities are not innate and fixed.

[00:01:34] They are adaptable and flexible and what kind of person you will become is completely within your control.

[00:01:40] If you are a fan of Harry Potter, you probably remember the scene where Harry is sitting on the stool with the sorting hat on his head.

[00:01:48] At first, the sorting hat wants to put Harry in the slitheren house, a house of ill repute that has cultivated many dark wizards.

[00:01:57] However, when Harry strongly rejects the idea, the hat assigns him to the griffender instead.

[00:02:03] After the ceremony, Harry is upset, he is worried that the initial decision of sorting hat is a sign that he has some slitheren characteristics.

[00:02:12] He turns to the Hogwarts headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, for guidance.

[00:02:17] Dumbledore tells him, it is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are far more than our abilities.

[00:02:25] Although Harry lacks the innate qualities of a griffender in the beginning, his choice makes him a member.

[00:02:31] It is exactly this choice, along with his later experiences, that shapes his personality and makes him a true griffender.

[00:02:39] The same goes for personalities in the real world.

[00:02:43] Thus, why does Dr. Hardy believe that personalities are not innate and fixed, and how should we develop the ideal personality that we want?

[00:02:52] In the next three parts, we will next discuss the key points of this book and answer these questions.

[00:02:58] Part 1, Common Myths about Personality

[00:03:01] Part 2, The Key to Developing an Ideal Personality, Find Your Purpose

[00:03:07] Part 3, Other Tips on Developing Your Ideal Personality

[00:03:12] The first myth about personality is that it can be categorized into different types.

[00:03:17] Believers of the MBDI test may agree with this idea, by the MBDI, some people belong to the INFP personality type, while others are ENTJs.

[00:03:28] However, psychologists advise that these MBDI types should not be taken too seriously, because the test itself does not exist.

[00:03:36] They do not have much credibility.

[00:03:38] The MBDI test was created by a mother daughter pair, Catherine Briggs and her daughter Isabel Myers.

[00:03:45] Neither of them has been trained in psychology, psychiatry or psychological testing.

[00:03:51] Furthermore, the test was not developed in a lab or at a university, but in the creator's own home.

[00:03:58] Drawing on her life experience, Briggs noticed that her husband, her two children, and herself viewed life in vastly different ways,

[00:04:06] and she wanted to devise a system that could explain the difference between individual personalities.

[00:04:12] Driven by this purpose, the MBDI was born.

[00:04:16] In social science, scientists typically use four criteria to decide if a theory is scientific enough.

[00:04:23] They would consider if the theory is reliable, valid, independent, and comprehensive.

[00:04:30] Unfortunately, the MBDI theory fails all four standards.

[00:04:33] Therefore, the MBDI test is regarded as unscientific in the field of psychology.

[00:04:40] If we can't categorize people's personalities into types, is there any other way to at least describe them?

[00:04:47] Dr. Hardy proposes looking at the five-factor model.

[00:04:51] Unlike the MBDI, the five-factor model is a scientific theory.

[00:04:56] Instead of naming different types, it uses five dimensions to define one's personality.

[00:05:01] Every person falls somewhere along a continuum of each of these factors, openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

[00:05:12] Openness describes how open we are to learning or experiencing new things.

[00:05:17] Conscientiousness refers to our ability to stay organized, motivated, and purpose-driven.

[00:05:24] Extroversion involves our level of activity and willingness to communicate when we are around other people.

[00:05:29] Agreeableness measures how friendly and optimistic we are toward other people, while neuroticism involves how well we handle stress and other negative emotions.

[00:05:40] Everyone's personality consists of these five aspects, and different people have different scores in each one of them.

[00:05:47] Within the framework of this theory, the differences between people's personalities lie in the varying degrees of each aspect, not in different types.

[00:05:56] The second myth about personality is that it is fixed and unchangeable.

[00:06:02] In fact, personality is dynamic, flexible, and context-dependent.

[00:06:07] Our personality changes throughout our entire life in more dramatic ways than we can imagine.

[00:06:13] Psychologists have found that different conditions or environments can cause people's personalities to vary greatly in these five dimensions.

[00:06:21] Research suggests that our personality profiles are highly related to the demands of our social roles.

[00:06:29] For example, if your profession requires you to be responsible and extrovert, then your level of conscientiousness and extroversion will increase.

[00:06:37] However, when you switch to another job that demands lower levels of these two aspects, your personality will also manifest lower levels of these two aspects.

[00:06:47] From this example, we can see that switching jobs alone can change one's personality.

[00:06:53] Thus, do you still believe that our personalities are fixed?

[00:06:57] You might argue, but I feel like I'm still the same person I've always been.

[00:07:02] However, this may not be true.

[00:07:05] Sometimes, we don't even notice changes in our personalities, partly because humans are highly adaptive.

[00:07:12] Even when we experience drastic life changes, we are able to adapt to the new norms.

[00:07:18] Over time, it can feel like nothing has changed at all.

[00:07:22] Another reason is that our usual view of our own behavior often does not align with reality.

[00:07:28] We often selectively focus on things we identify or agree with and ignore the rest.

[00:07:34] Therefore, it's not our behaviors and personalities that are fixed, but rather our fixed views of ourselves that make it seem like we have consistent personalities.

[00:07:44] The third common myth about personality is that it comes from our past.

[00:07:49] Many people believe this.

[00:07:51] They also believe that if unfortunate events have happened to them in the past, they will have to live with the trauma and that there's nothing they can do about it.

[00:08:00] As a result, many people blame their families of origin or other influences for their current misfortunes.

[00:08:07] While Dr. Hardy admits that the past does have some influence on us, it is not the events that are exerting this impact but rather how we describe, explain, and interpret our past in this moment.

[00:08:19] He points out that our memories are not objective descriptions that will not be altered once they are stored, instead we reinterpret and even reconstruct memories according to our mental status.

[00:08:30] This means if we can find a fresh perspective, we will be able to emerge from the shadows of the past.

[00:08:37] In contrast, if you firmly believe that you can't change the past and intentionally avoid the difficult emotions needed for change, your personality will become restricted by traumatizing events.

[00:08:49] The fourth myth is that personality which represents your authentic self can only be discovered instead of created.

[00:08:57] Many personality test enthusiasts believe that as long as they understand their own personalities, they will have goals in life and know where their passions lie, what jobs they should do and what kinds of people they should spend their lives with.

[00:09:10] In Dr. Hardy's opinion, this view is completely wrong.

[00:09:15] We can't discover our personalities as they are the byproducts of our decisions in life.

[00:09:21] They can only be created by our own behaviors.

[00:09:25] When we consciously make positive decisions, hone our skills to reach our goals and gain fresh experience in the process, our personalities are also transformed.

[00:09:35] The myth of uncovering personalities can have negative consequences.

[00:09:40] When we become convinced that we love or are good at some areas based on the results of personality tests, we might not be willing to do things outside of these areas.

[00:09:50] As a result, we may be viewed as lazy and entitled, especially in the workplace.

[00:09:56] Meanwhile, we won't be able to develop the knowledge and skills to succeed when we encounter a difficult task as the personality tests have already justified such an action by telling us that we are not fit for the task.

[00:10:09] This self limiting mindset will definitely impede our improvement and growth and obstruct our efforts to achieve breakthroughs.

[00:10:16] This kind of self limiting belief can also cause problems in relationships and marriage.

[00:10:22] We might hope to meet a perfect soulmate and believe that once we do, a happy marriage will be within our reach.

[00:10:29] As a result, we won't spend too much effort in managing the relationship.

[00:10:34] However, the path to building a stable, intimate relationship requires both parties to make accommodations and compromises for the other, thus creating the perfect match.

[00:10:44] It is not about just finding the right person from the start.

[00:10:48] We've reached the end of the first part of this bookie.

[00:10:51] In this part, we debunked four myths about personality.

[00:10:55] We also proved that personality should not be categorized and that it is not innate and fixed, nor does it come from our past.

[00:11:03] Moreover, personality is created, not discovered.

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