Empowering Parents: No Bad Kids - A Free Book by Janet Lansbury

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[00:00:12] get your free mind snack now. Today we'll unlock the book No Bad Kids, Toddler Discipline

[00:00:17] without shame. Many first-time parents experience countless setbacks raising children. Toddlers

[00:00:24] often have eating problems and refuse injections or taking other medication when they're

[00:00:29] sick. They refuse to brush their teeth but love candies. In the supermarket, they want

[00:00:35] everything they see. In these situations, when ordinary communication doesn't work, parents

[00:00:41] sometimes yell or worse hit their children even though they know physical punishment

[00:00:45] is ineffective and damaging. An outcome of these aggressive parental choices is that children

[00:00:51] may become more rebellious. Many parents going through these situations tell themselves

[00:00:56] that things will get better when their children grow up. But the truth is as children mature,

[00:01:01] their behavior will become more and more confusing, and parenting will become more challenging. It

[00:01:07] is a problem most parents will face. Let's consider a short story. The bear brothers were pretty naughty.

[00:01:15] Their behavior is typical. Every time they went to the supermarket with their parents,

[00:01:20] they wanted everything they saw. Whenever their parents had no, the kids screamed,

[00:01:25] rolled on the floor, and didn't listen to a word their parents said. Other customers stared

[00:01:31] at them. Ma Ma and Papa Bear were so embarrassed that they wanted to get out as soon as possible.

[00:01:37] Later, when Grand Pa bear visited them, they shared their experience. He advised them to

[00:01:42] involve the children in making a shopping list before going to the supermarket, and agreeing with

[00:01:47] them that if they throw a tantrum or ask for anything that's not on the list, they'll go home

[00:01:52] immediately without having anything. Ma Ma and Papa Bear took this advice. From then on,

[00:01:58] before they went to the supermarket, they made a list. The two brothers understood what

[00:02:03] they could and could not buy, and this finally broke their naughty habit. You may be wondering why

[00:02:09] the shopping list made such a big difference. Is there a similar way that will help adults

[00:02:14] address other parenting problems? This book says children's behavior is difficult to control because

[00:02:20] they lack boundaries that tell them what they can and can't do. Basically, these are rules.

[00:02:27] Only when parents set clear boundaries will children become self-disciplined and parents be free.

[00:02:33] The book's author Janet Lansbury is a veteran parent coach and US parenting expert.

[00:02:38] For over a decade, she has served on the board of resources for infant educators, RIE,

[00:02:45] written child care articles, and been a frequent speaker at early childhood conferences.

[00:02:50] For 20 years, she has promoted one of the most popular early childhood education philosophies

[00:02:56] in the United States, known as RIE parenting. The central concept of RIE parenting is that babies

[00:03:03] are whole people, sentient, aware, intuitive, and communicative. They are natural learners,

[00:03:09] explorers, and scientists. Babies can test hypotheses, solve problems, and understand

[00:03:16] language and abstract ideas. She points out that toddlers have an innate need to test boundaries

[00:03:22] and challenge their parents. Parents must set appropriate, clear, and consistent limits so that

[00:03:28] their children can explore the world freely and recognize appropriate behavior. In this book,

[00:03:34] we'll talk about how to set clear and consistent boundaries so that your children have

[00:03:39] greater freedom. We'll do this in following three parts. Part 1. Toddlers need boundaries.

[00:03:47] Part 2. Principles for setting boundaries. Part 3. Stay calm and be the child's guide.

[00:03:54] When it comes to boundaries, many people immediately think of the borders that separate the

[00:03:59] different regions of the world. These limits make it easier to manage the countries. In fact,

[00:04:05] children need boundaries too. Imagine driving through a bridge in the dark. If the bridge has no

[00:04:11] railings, we'll drive across it slowly and tentatively. But if we see railings on either side,

[00:04:17] we can navigate the bridge with confidence. The railings give us a sense of security. A child

[00:04:24] also needs boundaries to act as railings. Until those boundaries are clearly defined,

[00:04:29] the child will continue to test whoever cares for them. You may have asked your child not to

[00:04:35] throw toys, and then they threw them at you on purpose and smirked. Are they evil? Of course

[00:04:41] not. There is no bad intent in this behavior. It is merely the child's way of expressing their

[00:04:47] needs and feelings. Henry is 20 months old and adorable. He greets people nicely and shares his

[00:04:54] toys with other children. But one day, he came to class and started to hit everyone. His mother

[00:05:01] was beside herself with worry. She mentioned that Henry refused to sit in his car seat that morning.

[00:05:07] Usually, when she wasn't in a hurry, she would allow him to play inside the car and wait for

[00:05:12] him to sit in his seat in his own time. But this time, his mom had to leave immediately,

[00:05:18] so she forced him into the seat. It made Henry uncomfortable and fretful. The feelings

[00:05:24] remained with him until he arrived at class where the hitting took place. Based on his previous

[00:05:30] experience, Henry thought that after getting into the car, he'd get some time to play. But this

[00:05:35] time, the situation took an unexpected turn. So it was not surprising that he felt upset. Henry's

[00:05:43] temper tantrums would get more severe and his mother more anxious if the problem was not addressed.

[00:05:49] Landsbury advised the mother to give Henry the option of climbing into his seat by himself.

[00:05:54] If he did not climb in right away, she should place him in his seat even if he cried.

[00:05:59] Henry's mother took the advice. And after a few iterations, Henry finally got used to the seat

[00:06:06] because he understood that his mom was in control. He no longer resisted after the boundary was in place.

[00:06:13] This example shows that when children have clear boundaries, they feel secure.

[00:06:18] They won't keep pushing limits, and they will be more cooperative with their parents.

[00:06:23] That's why setting reasonable boundaries is important for toddlers. As Irene van Dazandie puts it in

[00:06:29] her book, 1, 2, 3, the toddler years, toddlers test limits to find out about themselves and other

[00:06:36] people. By stopping children in a firm but respectful way when they push our limits,

[00:06:41] we're helping them to figure out their world and feel safe.

[00:06:45] Then, why do children want to test our limits? When they do it, what are they trying to express?

[00:06:51] Actually, they're asking for help. Have you ever been in a situation where your child doesn't

[00:06:57] heat and spills food all over the floor? Think about it. Do we have an appetite when we're not hungry?

[00:07:04] When a child plays with their food, it is most likely they have had enough or the food is not

[00:07:09] to their liking. Here by pushing limits the child sends the career and SOS message.

[00:07:15] Here's a further example. In some families with two children, when the second sibling arrives on

[00:07:21] the scene, the older child becomes rude and aggressive. Some even hit their younger siblings.

[00:07:27] This is because the new sibling directs the family's attention away from the older child.

[00:07:33] It shakes that toddler's secure world. The older child feels vulnerable and sensitive,

[00:07:38] deeply aware of the change in a family's dynamic. They express this anxiety and seek their

[00:07:44] parents' help through limit-pushing behaviors. They're saying I need attention, I can't function,

[00:07:50] please help me. So what should parents do in such situations? Without a doubt, they should establish

[00:07:57] their authority. Taking charge at the right moment can strengthen the child's awareness of

[00:08:02] their boundaries. The child knows that they can't do whatever they want, because they understand

[00:08:08] that their parents are in control. If a child doesn't eat, parents can take the food away and end

[00:08:14] the meal. A toddler learns discipline best when they experience the consequences of their behavior.

[00:08:21] That's all for part one, toddlers need boundaries. Boundaries help children feel safe,

[00:08:26] and they establish a more cooperative relationship with parents. Pushing limits is a way for

[00:08:32] children to express their needs and ask for help. When a child acts up, parents need to take

[00:08:38] charge, guide the child's behavior, and help them to understand the connection between actions

[00:08:43] and consequences. But what principles should parents follow when setting boundaries? We'll answer

[00:08:49] that in part two. Today we are just sharing limited content. To unlock more key insights of

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